Most of the time, when a stranger lets you get in line before them, or opens the store door for you, you are grateful because you were in a rush or were carrying a couple of bags and couldn’t do it yourself.
But as you get older, some of those niceties can be regarded negatively, like you don’t have the strength or ability to perform the function yourself. Some recent examples in my life included a grocery store cashier calling on one of the workers to roll my cart out to the car for me; the dry cleaner asking if I wanted them to carry out the clothes I was picking up; the staff at our mail facility taking the mail from our box and meeting me at the door so I didn’t have to walk into the store; and a wine store staff member carrying a case of refreshment to the trunk of my car so I wouldn’t have to.
Providing assistance to someone in these situations can be a double-edged sword. On the one hand, it demonstrates that our fellow residents possess good genes and demonstrate it by helping others whenever the need arises. On the other hand, the recipient of the kindness may feel that others don’t believe they are capable of being responsible for themselves and prove that by interfering, even though not asked to do so. The older one gets, the more likely it is that they may misinterpret such an “interference” as a judgment about one’s ability to take care of themselves, even though that interpretation of the person’s physical ability might be correct. Of course, no one wants to believe that their looks could lead to a negative judgment about their being able to fend for themselves.
The better approach is to inquire of the person in question whether they would like some assistance in performing the task at hand. If the answer is in the affirmative, the decision is a mutual one, whereas if the help is simply provided without consent the recipient might regard themselves as a “victim” and refuse the offer even though the assistance was sorely needed to avoid an accident or injury.
It’s interesting how many things in our lives can have multiple meanings depending on how they are presented, especially to someone by a stranger.